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Leefstyl | Lifestyle > Gay > Rubrieke | Columns > Christina Engela: Fundamentally Speaking

Relativity


Christina Engela - 2011-07-12

Untitled Document

Depression is a problem, and there are people who suffer from it for perfectly good medical reasons. Then there are people who have a little disappointment at home, or in the office, who have issues with their appearance or who have a little bad luck in relationships. Their car breaks down for the fifth time in a week and they want to end it all. Their boss tramples on their feelings a little and they want to eat a 9 mm aspirin.

Seriously?

There are people imprisoned in a body that is so broken they don't even have the choice of ending it all. There are those without hope of anything worth having here – life, love, health, happiness – and let's just say wealth and worldly goods are the least of their concerns. There are people who can pop a pill or seek medical intervention to get them out of their depression or circumstances. Then there are people who really can do nothing but face the lousy bitch of a hand that life has dealt them – and like it or lump it, they have no more choices or options. What the hell are you whining about?

Let me offer you some advice from an old fool. No matter how bad things feel, or seem to be, no matter how much you hurt, or how much you hunger, or how many bitter, bitter tears you cry, or how many times you pound your fists – or your head – into a concrete wall ... it could always, always be worse. And even though you feel hurt and broken now, you aren't. You're still here, you're still warm, you're still fed, you're still clothed, your body still works, and you have hope. Hope keeps you going. You are not beaten. You can still do something about it. Pick another battle, one you can win. And even if you feel you can't get any lower, that you have hit rock-bottom – all that just means you now have only one direction to go: up. So get off your ass, stop complaining, and get on with it – start climbing.

So what if someone doesn't want you or love you? There are others out there who will. Trust me, the world is full of lonely, desperate people. It's nice to have someone to hold you when you cry, to rub your back and dry your tears, but it's not always possible. Sometimes life takes us on a merry dance along a dark, rocky and winding road and we feel really alone. Perhaps we are. But what is the point of giving up? If you think you're a loser now, hon – just stop trying – then you will be.

People often talk about those who depend on you, and their need of you in their lives, as if that is more important than your own pain or sorrow. That's because it is. There's more to living than just making yourself happy and partying all the time. Making a difference in the lives of others, bringing light to their darkness, and alleviating their suffering lightens your own load. Sometimes all it takes is just being there.

Stop asking why people don't love you or want you – and set out to make yourself so desirable and happy within yourself that they will have little choice but to. Stop whining that you are useless, and set out to prove to yourself and the world that they cannot do without you. Stop crying that you want to die because you are unhappy and unfulfilled, and set out to make the life you have as fulfilling and happy as you can. Stop blubbering about how unfair life has treated you, get up and be the change you want to see in the world.

If you quit now, you will be giving up on any happiness that may still come your way, any betterment you may yet still achieve. As bad as you feel now, do you not wish to feel better?

There's more to life than sorrow, self-pity and regret. There's more to existence than your pain and your need. There's more to your life and your existence than just you.